Wednesday, August 19, 2015

"We live by faith...

...and cannot live long without it. Fear is the natural response to the absence of faith, and indeed the result of the absence of faith." 

By faith I do not necessarily mean faith in God. I mean faith in ourselves. I haven't been posting here for a good couple of years due to circumstances. I somehow felt I lost faith. I thought that I lost the thing that always kept me safe. The thing that always came out of nowhere and showed me where I am going next.  The thing that every time something hurt me and threw me down under. Helped me manage in the speed of light to push with all my strength and rise  higher than before, stronger. Last couple of years have been tough and stretched and nonetheless I saw the bright side of things and kept going, more things came, and more came. It has been a long struggle of survival and struggle to keep balance and a smile on my face. Had longer time to process things and more time to think about them. More time to see the pattern. See that subconsciously I have been punishing myself. I chose certain people in my life. I chose to allow them to hurt me over and over again. Two years ago in all my pain, I said "I had to hit my head and I am going through all this physical pain to see what's good for me. To wake up." Making changes is a scary and a very lonely road. You are left all alone. And of course there's always the frustration of why the hell I had to put myself though all that. 
The last months have been very transitional. I don't like the word change because I believe we don't change, we evolve. If we choose, every day can be a step closer to becoming the best version of ourselves. 
In the last couple of days it hit me that I had never really lost my faith. It was there all the time. And through out all that it showed me the way. It slowed me down and pinpointed what needed to be changed. The pattern that I needed to break.
Have no fears about tomorrow. Today is beautiful and tomorrow looks stunning.
The most intimate relationship I will ever have is the one with myself and I am okay with that.