A true apology...

does not require forgive and forget. We apologize when we realize, we have hurt someone. It's an acknowledgment. We do it for ourselves and of course for the other person...ourselves, it's for ourselves. We let the other person know we are sorry, we let them take their time and process what went down. We tell them our side, what was going through our head, we share our reality...we give them the upper hand, we let them decide if they still want to grow with us. Great, if they are willing to put it behind them, but some people don't. The moment you get all pissy and try to turn it around  on them, is the moment your apology will go down the garbage bin...
Personally, I can forgive but forgetting...let's say my memory is still rocking...and of course it all depends on what went down, my part in it, how much I was hurt, if it was an honest mistake or it was intentional...
People walk in and out of our lives, it is what it is...this is the town for it. We learn, we grow and we move on.  I don't hold grudges, I wish everyone well. It will break my heart seeing someone suffering, even if they have hurt me. But I do move on, and the people that intentionally harmed me, the people that envy me, love to watch me suffer, or used me are not going to be a part of my journey...even if they have apologized, if they did it once they will do it again. This is who they are, this is how they are programed...people grow but they do not change. Actually let's rephrase it, it takes a very strong person to look inside and change and most don't...
I always say I am not perfect and I love that because it allows me to grow, it makes me human...I am aware I can be very strong at times, harsh, abrupt. But I have never given an advice that was not accurate that did not help someone see, grow, even a complete stranger...and I am aware that I have very little tolerance with people who don't think, who don't say thank you, and who let their ego control their lives.
 I am very thankful today, for the amazing people I do have in my life, who help me be a better person, who have grown with me...true friends are hard to find and the ins and outs help us appreciate them even more...

the most...

beautiful conversations are the ones between the lines...what is not said but felt...the silent beats...all those awkward moments...

Met an author...

a few months back through Tony, we talked a little bit about what I am doing, then run into him again, on the perfect time when the biggest dilemma I have in this moment is if I am developing  a tragedy, or a sort of feel good movie, ending wise at least... Do I really want Olufemi to overcome her tragic flaw, or do I want no redemption... Well, I am Greek after all... I want it to touch the every day reality, I want people to see what makes them uncomfortable, that we choose to live in a world full of people alone...that we can have all the money in the world but we can never thrive without intimacy...this is the town I live in half of my life, everyone is looking for something better, and my Robert sure cared for Olufemi but he gave up, he chose the easy way out, the sure thing...yes he could have melted her little cold heart, taught her love but he chose not to... So I am going through my thoughts with him and he says "I am happy you are choosing the hard way out" and I say "what's your last name, I want to Google you, so I read one of yours books, see your reality"  WOW! he 's the author of one my favorite books, the only book I have bought and gave to people...WOW! 

I do read...

not big on novels, I am visual so I would choose to watch a film...but I am infatuated with humans, life, so I love any book that helps me understand me and my kind...human behavior, human interaction...the human brain in all it's grace...how much we can achieve if we only use it, appreciate it...FaCiNaTiNg!...we are all different  but in some sort of way the same...different programing...and yes, we are born with certain qualities but,  they are useless if we do not develop them. Freedom, is more important than knowledge, even talent...knowing who you are, being comfortable under your own skin...that's the gift, the gift of life...knowing what you need to come alive...when people ask me why I am always happy I  say "you are as happy as you make up your mind to be"... I'm not always happy but out of my life experiences; I have learned that life is short and it's what we make out of it, so I choose to see the bright side of things. And if something hurts, I cry, I let it out, and I move on...I process fast, but not because I have no emotions like people have told me in the past but because one of my best qualities, is that I have seen the bigger picture from the beginning, and I made a conscious decision to want to have it as an experience...exploring...I do come from an actor's prospective, so I need to experience things and use them...I'm not saying I always know the outcome. I have been surprised at times but I have also gotten mad at myself for knowing and still having the need to explore...
Why am I writing this today?  'cause I love every single frame of this little thing that is called life. It fascinates me. It inspires me... It makes me feel alive...

We are all...

broken...imperfect...have flaws. The defects we so often despise are actuallly a wonderful part of our humanity...what makes us special...us...

never realized how strong I am, till strong was the only choice I had...

Constantly growing, evolving, changing and being defined...